A beautifully brain-itching Premier League XI using numbers by position: Sterling, Haaland, Szoboszlai…
Squad numbers are a big deal. They are sacred. That’s why it irks us to no end that most players are no longer numbered by position in the Premier League anymore.
The key word there was ‘most’. Squad numbers and their corresponding position have evolved over time and ultimately been of increasingly less use, but there are a select bunch in England’s top flight who still don the squad number that perfectly fits their position on their back. And we love it.
In celebration of those heroes who scratch our squad number brain itch, we’ve crafted a 2023-24 Premier League XI based on how perfectly the player fits their squad number.
Note — we’ve gone with a traditional 4-4-1-1, number 10 playing slightly behind the striker formation. None of that modern-day 4-3-3 rubbish. Let’s begin.
Listen, Allison Becker is an outstanding goalkeeper, perhaps the best in the league.
But Emi Martínez is also an incredible goalkeeper. He’s won the World Cup and, crucially for our archetypal number 1, he is batsh*t insane. No goalkeeper should be mentally stable. It wouldn’t surprise me to see him putting a penalty taker off by hanging from the crossbar upside down like a rabid bat.
Martinez is in the team.
Tripps gets the nod at number 2. One of the best right-backs in the league, if not the world, a brilliant crosser, a solid defender (mostly), and a great free-kick taker.
Crucially, he nicks in ahead of Kyle Walker because Walker occasionally plays centre-back — DISQUALIFIED.
If our number 4 is going to be a centre-back, it’s going to be VVD, isn’t it? No further comment.
Tough competition for the number five, including the likes of Lewis Dunk, Ibrahima Konaté and Joachim Andersen.
John Stones is disqualified because he’s a habitual midfielder now, and
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