Jenas unstoppable – football high-performance headache now motorsport wizard

Football fans are all too aware of Jermaine Jenas and his impressive ability to get where water doesn’t. And while it’s not very LinkedIn of us to resent that reality, we cannot help ourselves from getting angry.

There are only so many bland footballing opinions and beige Jacamo sweaters we can stomach before wanting to gauge our eyes out or – perhaps more fittingly – flooding our bodies with Huel until we’re free of a Jenas-dominated world.

In an era of high performance, world-class basics and other David Bent-inspired Jake Humphrey-isms, Jenas exists within that school of thought without outwardly endorsing such insufferable principles.

What he has done, though, is carve out his own philosophy within a school that champions exceptionally divorced men and being a complete sociopath.

Jenas, while ordinary at football during his playing days, has been fuelled forward by a relentlessness in his post-playing media career.

Relentlessness and resilience in managing to constantly sneak into circles where he does not belong.

Decked out in his finest Next three-piece, supplemented with a dollop of VO5, the world stood still when Jenas bagged himself the lead presenter role at the 2023 FIFA The Best awards, having already somehow managed to blag a place at the 2022 World Cup draw the year before.

What has long been infuriating about Jenas has been his takes on football – a sport he should be an expert on considering his extensive playing career.

Instead, he’s criticised near enough weekly for a continually inaccurate vision of the game. That, and the crushing inevitability that is him taking over from Gary Lineker when he decides to call time on his Match of the Day presenting duties, makes Jenas tough to stomach.

Formula E has faced an